Vampire Sisters

Review by Mike Finkelstein

How bad does a movie have to be before it doesn't even qualify as a real movie at all. years ago I picked up a collection of films, "Brutal Bloodsuckers", which promised six feature length films in the genre. Now, as should be clear from everything I've covered on this site, if there's a vampire, werewolf, or other creature of the night in a film, I'll buy it sight unseen. This site needs a constant flow of content, and even terrible movies will still provide the potential for reviews. But there are limits and the "Brutal Bloodsuckers" films certainly toe that limit as close as any film I've ever seen.

This issue is that these are clearly the lowest of low budget productions. These aren't studio films. They aren't even Asylum-level films. These are movies made by someone with fifty bucks and a camcorder. Someone with a copy of Adobe Premiere and way too much time on their hands. The only thing "brutal" about these films are their quality. Getting through any one of the six on the set is a test of endurance. Trying to do all six would be a nightmare. But I've signed up to watch these things for this site so that no one else has to, and nowhere is that more clear than with the first of these films in the set: Vampire Sisters.

The film is nominally about a coven (or kiss, if you prefer) of vampire ladies. Three of them who have been working together (for an indeterminate amount of time) preying on perverts and other sketchy men. They might be bottom feeders, but it's pretty clear that the bottom needed to get cleared out. One might argue that, through their sexy website, luring these awful men in and killing them is actually a service. That is until the vampiresses get a taste for young blood and start killing other people (perverts or not).

The trail of missing persons, though, draws the attention of the police. A pair of investigators figure out that all the missing people were visitors to a for-pay porn site, "Vampire Sisters", and they soon begin to suspect that, for whatever reason, the girls are killing these perverts. So they plan a sting, paying just enough to the girls to get their attention so they can arrange a private session. But with the cops not understanding who and what they're dealing with, this private time with the vampire girls could go poorly very quickly.

In concept I can see what the creators of Vampire Sisters were going for. Sex and violence go hand in hand with vampires. A coven of lady vampires feeding on sexual perverts (the film's words for them) does actual work from a story perspective. It creates an unease with the characters where you hate what they're doing but actually kind of like that they're doing it all the same. At least they aren't hunting the innocent, or the young... well, right up until they are, of course.

The big problem with Vampire Sisters is that the film is the lowest of low-budget and, because of that, every single expense has to be spared to get the film cranked out. Cheap sets? Sure thing. Bad acting from porn-level performers? Of course. Special effects so bad they look like animated gifs taken from Online? As if you even had to ask. It's a laughably constructed movie that can't even try to hide how cheaply it was made. It's forced to wear it's small budget on its chest like a scarlet letter.

For starters, the entire film takes place in a single townhouse. It's not a townhouse the people rented for the shoot, either; this is a lived in one that clearly belonged to one of the crew. There's old furniture, boxes of crap they tucked away in their basement, laundry machines clearly still in use. And this is the house these three ladies use as their "sex den". Like, sure, it's unassuming but it's also laughable that these ladies that have lived for ages somehow use a modest split-level as the home of their coven.

If this is where the ladies are living, you have to assume they are then also living on modest means. Their website brings in people willing to donate money to see the girls do kinky things. But once they get a bit of cash off them, even a couple of hundred bucks, they lure the men (and women) in and kill them. That means their cash flow is pretty tight, and they'd need to try and milk the whales as long as they could... but they don't. Hell, they don't even care about the money men bring to pay for their live services. They casually throw it aside like it's nothing. The women clearly act like they're rich vampiresses but everything about their living situation says otherwise.

So the setup for the film is bad, but let's be clear: the acting is worse. To compare these actresses to porn stars does a disservice to the good acting porn stars can do. I suspect these actresses did come from porn (at least soft core) as their bodies are, shall we say, artificially enhanced. These ladies can't act at all. Line delivery is terrible, the kinds of line readings you'd expect from a low-end high school play. Although, if we're being honest, even the high school kinds probably could have done better.

About the only thing I can credit is that the script is at least passable. Not great, mind you, but if you take the ideas at play, and the dialogue free from performances, than maybe you can say that the script isn't the worst thing ever. Not great at all as it was probably three rewrites away from being mediocre, but still. In comparison to everything else in this film, the script was at least an actual script.

Credit to the production company: if this movie was made on a dare, or a lark, with someone saying, "hey, I wonder if we can make a film for fifty bucks," then congrats, guys. You did it. But if anyone really put time, or effort, or money into this and the result was Vampire Sisters then, damn, I feel sorry for them. This film is garbage, through and through.