Feeling Pretty Civilized

I recognize that my take on Gremlins isn’t the most popular. I do like the movie as a little creature feature fest, but I have to admit that, deep down, it’s not the best at being a complete story. What’s really going to piss people off is what I say next: as a movie, a film that depicts a complete story with character growth and lessons for all, I actually think that Gremlins 2: The New Batch, is the better film. We will all need to take a moment to let that sink in, I realize.

Now, let me be clear: do I think that Gremlins 2: The New Batch is a better viewing experience than Gremlins? Absolutely not. I first saw the film when I was nine, and even then, watching the film, I was sitting there going, “what the hell did I just watch.” The Gremlins sequel, by design, is a bigger, sillier, zanier, more over-the-top experience than the first film. Joe Dante, director of the original film, was contracted by Warners for the sequel and was told to “do everything you just did, but more.” The first film made $212.9 Mil on a meager $11 Mil budget, and Warners saw dollars in their eyes. If the first film was tiny and made all that money, the second film could make even more on a bigger budget.

Note, this is the same kind of math the studio calculated decades later when they took Joker and tried to make a bigger, more expensive, sequel and ended up with egg on their faces. And the same thing happened in 1990, when Gremlins 2: The New Batch absolutely tanked at the Box Office. I’m reminded about that whole saying about not learning from history, but Warners sure do seem to love burning money regardless, don’t they? But I digress…

Anyway, the thing about Gremlins 2: The New Batch is that, in its own, weird way it is a very watchable film. It is not a great sequel as it fails to recapture the magic of what made that movie fun and scary and enjoyable. It’s a bigger film, and more toyetic, to be sure, but it also feels stranger, more crass and commercial. Through it, though, is this weird thread, a go-for-broke attitude that I actually do respect. It’s not the sequel anyone asked for, certainly not after a six year wait from the original, yes, if you tilt your head right and actually know what you’re getting, Gremlins 2: The New Batch is kind of a lot of fun.

Six years after Gizmo (voiced again by Howie Mandel) was taken back by his original owner, once more stashed away in an old, Asian antiques store, the owner of the store dies. This prompts the destruction of the building, his store included, an act of which Gizmo barely escapes. Out on the streets, alone and scared, Gizmo is captured by scientists from Splice of Life, a genetics lab on an upper floor of the new Clamp Center building. Gizmo is taken there to be experimented on, along with all the other lab animals and other curiosities they have stored there.

As it so happens, Clamp Center is also where Billy Peltzer (a returning Zach Galligan) works. He’s a graphic designer for Clamp Corp., and he hates his job. He’s unappreciated, ignored by upper management, and his direct supervisor, Marla Bloodstone (Haviland Morris), is constantly sexually harassing him. Meanwhile his fiance, Kate Beringer (also a returning Phoebe Cates), works in the building as a docent, guiding tours through the new complex. When Billy catches wind that Gizmo is in the building, he goes off to find his furry friend. But getting the mogwai out of the lab and into the building only leads to a whole lot of chaos once the critter gets wet and a whole new batch of evil creatures pops forth.

There are two things I respect about this film. The first is that it actually tried to have a real story for its various characters. The gremlins arriving on the scene (which they, of course, do) sets off the chaos in the building, but this time around it serves as a means to further character arcs. Billy hates his job and wants recognition. Because of the gremlins the owner of the company, Daniel Clamp (John Glover), takes notice of Billy and appreciates his work, settling in to do a major project with Billy in charge. Because of Marla’s harassment, Kate thinks Billy is cheating on her, but because of the Gremlins, she gets to have a confrontation with Marla and hash everything out. Hell, even Clamp has his own little arc, realizing that his dreams for his massive building are crashing down and that he needs to scale back and try to do things that make more sense. The gremlins, these agents of chaos, cause all this to happen, as they should.

I also just want to comment on the fact that Clamp was a perfect send up of Trump at the time this film was released. A real estate mogul that somehow managed to fail upwards, always slapping his name on things and acting like a total buffoon. Clamp is a joke in the movie, just like Trump was in real life, and it’s crazy to me that somehow we ended up with the actual buffoon in a position of power. If they ever make a third Gremlins film, Clamp has to be President of the United States. There’s no other place to take his character.

The other thing I like about this film is the thing I really hated when I was nine: this film doesn’t know when to quit. The gremlins that are introduced are a more colorful and motley crew of creatures. They aren’t just all similar little green critters but have a whole set of distinct personalities. Due to the genetics lab, they even gain certain powers. There’s the spider gremlin (Frank Welker), the bat gremlin, the electric gremlin, the brain (Tony Randall), and even a lady gremlin. They all get to do their own things and get up to goofy adventures. Hell, they even perform a musical number set to “New York, New York”. It’s all terribly silly and a whole lot of fun.

But here’s the thing: it really is terribly silly. The gremlins getting powers is funny and amusing, but it’s also a narrative diversion that, outside of the brain gremlin, doesn’t really do anywhere. Everything the gremlins get up to is for comedy, a slapstick series of skits that feel more appropriate in a Looney Tunes cartoon than a Gremlins movie. It goes so far as to even have the gremlins tear apart and take over their own movie, breaking the fourth wall (and maybe a little bit of good taste) for the sake of an extra, over the top gag. It’s funny, but in the context of the film (and the greater franchise) it doesn’t work.

Frankly, Gremlins 2: The New Batch is an absolute mess. It’s all over the place, throwing everything against the wall that it can just to see what sticks. It is funny and silly and weird, but that’s both the best that the film has going for it as well as its worst traits. If what you wanted was a film similar in tone and style to the first movie, this sequel isn’t it. It takes all the comedy and slapstick that came in the last act of the original film, and it bases its entire existence on that material, expanding and elaborating and taking it as far as it can possibly go.

I love that Gremlins 2: The New Batch is willing to push every idea it can. It goes hog wild, bounding around like a joyful puppy, just wanting you to love it. At the time it was released audiences did not, with the film only making $41.5 Mil against a budget that could have been as high as $50 Mil. Through merchandising and home video releases it probably made its money back and turned a profit eventually, but at the time it was a total bomb. And I get that. Despite it having the structure of a good story with characters that actually do grow and learn, the film around them is hot garbage. It’s a trash fire, a totally watchable, absolutely hilarious burning pile of garbage. It’s great fun when you know what you’re getting into but you have to be ready for a total B-movie to be able to enjoy it.