In a Dark and Dusty Castle...
Once upon a time, there was this dude. Mean fella, really. Sold his soul to the devil, or something, for immortality and a ball of twine. Anyway, he had this vision of using twine to take over the world, but someone told him than actually being evil would be wiser that twine, so he gave the devil the finger, threw out his twine, and came up with a new plan.
This is not that man's story. This is the story about Dracula, the immortal king of darkness that has, through the ages, gotten his ass handed to him again and again by guys with whips and leather skirts. Sound kinky? You have no idea...